30DWC Day 14

Post your favourite movies that you never get tired of watching. 

Well, where do I start, there are so many of them.

My favourite films are, in no particular order –

27 Dresses, it’s such a feel good funny chick flick, I love it.

Twenty_seven_dresses

Iron Man. Nuff said.

iron-man

Grease. It reminds me of growing up, I could act it I’ve seen it that many times.

Grease

Hercules. Favourite Disney movie ever, closely followed by –

Hercules_(1997_film)_poster

Mulan. There are bits in this film that actually give me goose bumps.

516BH9WH2PL

9 1/2 weeks. It’s a horny film. Tres horny.

986NHW_Kim_Basinger_088

There are so so many, I have literally hundreds of films that I could watch over and over ^_^

30DWC day 13

Write about something you are excited about. 

Well, herein lies the problem. There isn’t really anything.

My life is in such a shyte state I’ve nothing really to be excited about or look forward to.

I went back to college and university, and trained to be a teacher so i could have a career and a good life, rather than struggling day to day. Yet I’ve been unable to find permanent teaching work, and had to take a job in a call centre, which I am mow on the sick from with a bad back that may or may not be mechanical/inflammatory/arthritis.

I have no money, few real friends, if any, no boyfriend (which usually doesn’t bother me, I guess I’m thinking it would be nice to have someone to look after me for a change). I need to do something about how I look as I hate myself at the moment.

What do I have to get excited about?

30DWC Day 12

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 11.

Here we are at day 11 (to be fair though I started over a month ago so really should be done by now).

Something you always think ‘What if…’ about. 

I tend not to do what if’s in anything other than a half hearted manner.

What if I’d continued to train at a gym after I stopped working at one? Would I still be fit and fairly hot and would these recent ailments not have happened?

What if I’d done my education straight after school rather than waiting until my mid thirties? would I now be settled in a good career, with a car, a nice house, and not the huge debt mountain I currently have?

What if the young un I was involved with hadn’t wanted to have children and hadn’t cared about the age gap? What if being so in love me as he was had been enough? What if me not being the person he imagined ending up with hadn’t mattered to him?

What if I’d not been pregnant when I kicked my ex out for chasing me around the house with a huge knife? I don’t like thinking about that as I’d hate to be without my son. I would have liked him to have had an actual dad who bothered with him, instead on one who we’ve not seen nor heard from since Boxing Day 2003 when he was 8.

Well to be honest this is something i don’t like to think about and therefore don’t really do so often.

There are a few what ifs in my life though –

What if my mam was still alive?

What if I’d known i was pregnant when i ended things with my son’s dad? (He was violent, would being pregnant have changed my decision?)

What if I’d worked hard at school and gotten my education then rather than waiting until I was older? Would i actually have a good life and little debt?

What if I had met that one person I wanted to be with 24/7? It hasn’t happened yet…

What if i’d not gone through such awful stuff growing up? Would I be more open, more eager to take a chance on people? More accepting of myself, more eager to be truly intimate with someone?

What if…….

And that’s all the what if’s I want to think about for today.

30DWC Day 10

Day 10, and I’m defo getting better at doing this regularly ^_^

Write about something for which you feel strongly. 

I feel strongly about many things – racism, homophobia, sexism, liars, cheaters, hypocrites, pushy people.

I think what I feel the most strongly about is attitude. The attitude people have towards other people, whether it’s because of their race, colour, religion, sexual identity, gender, clothing, outlook.

5c39cc322083c89d17bdadec153a8de5

There are so many people, particularly on facebook, who share racist and other propaganda which 99% of the time is made up shyte designed to stir up agro. I have unfriended anyone who regularly posts from ‘Britains First’ or ‘English and Proud’ etc. Now, I’m not saying folk shouldn’t be proud to be British, but what about the black British people? Or the asian British people? Shouldn’t they also be proud? Before you post crap like that, research it. No child was ever sent home from school because his Help for Heroes wristband might offend Muslims…

5ec1969316e4360b0c830ca276b9edce

This whole flag nonsense. The vast majority of people from other cultures and religions could not give a rats ass if you fly a St Georges flag outside your house. It’s a pathetic little politician who thinks they are upset by it who caused the shit storm.

Sending them back to ‘their’ own countries. Well, do we also send back their children who were born here? Their parents? Grandparents? What do we do about the many many Brits who live in other countries? Do we then also make them come back here?

Maya-Angelou-quotes

Then there was the furor for Caitlyn Jenner being called brave for her transgender speech. Why the fuck do you care so much what she does? Who the fuck are you to decide what is bravery and what isn’t? If her speech stopped one transgender person from feeling lonely, from feeling different, from feeling suicidal, then job well done Caitlyn.

Why does two man getting married threaten you so much? Or two women? Making marriage equal between any 2 consenting adults doesn’t meant  you have to do it you know…..

Who the fuck are you to judge anyone else?

/end rant.

Franklin-Quote

30DWC Day 9

Post some words of Wisdom that Speak to you.

Not even sure I have any…….

1. Be the change you want to see in the world.

2. If you can’t say anything nice, say nowt.

3. It’s better to regret the things you did than the things you didn’t. Now that doesn’t mean go out and kill/rape/torture/abuse people!

4. Talk to people the way you would want others to talk to your loved ones. Not in a pervy way, but respectful and stuffs.

5. You’re old enough and ugly enough to do what you like. This is what my mam said to me shortly before she died when we had a conversation about things we regret. I mentioned that I’d always wanted tattoos and piercings,  and my mam said that.

964a7deb3a8bc027ab204371f7e3b451

30DWC Day 8

Day 8.

Write about something you struggle with.

The main thing I struggle with is probably my weight. I never used to, i was always thin and could eat what I wanted when I wanted with no repercussions.

After having my son I put on a little bit of weight, but I was probably in better shape and had a more womanly figure.

6 years ago I had to have a partial hysterectomy after being ill for a couple of years, and since then I’ve gained a lot of weight, and also aged a lot.

I also don’t do any exercise these days, although having achilles tendonitis and possible arthritis in my spine doesn’t help with that.

These things enhance my insecurity. I have always, always struggled with self confidence and feeling secure and happy with who i am. Even in my teens and twenties, when frankly I was pretty damn hot.

I have never been comfortable being seen naked in day light, ever. Even in artificial light.  Candle light has always been my friend.

Lately however, i even hate the idea of being felt naked never mind seen. I disgust myself, imagine how others would feel seeing me?

As a result, it has been a year since I slept with anyone, and it had been about the same length of time before that. I still have a sex drive, I’ve always had a pretty high sex drive and it hasn’t diminished despite all of this.

It seems like unless I do something drastic, I am destined to live out the rest of my life alone, celibate and hidden.

30 DWC Day 7

I know, I know, day 6 was also the 20th July, however it was in the wee early hours of the morning before I went to bed, so to me was yesterday ^_^

List 10 Songs that you’re loving right now –

I don’t listen to the radio, or watch music channels, so I tend not to listen to recent stuff unless it’s by a band i love. So instead I am going to list 10 songs that I love and could listen to on a loop over and over again.

In no particular order –

Levitate – Hollywood Undead

Blurry – Puddle of Mud

Numb – Linkin Park

Sexyback – Justin Timberlake

I keep forgettin’ – Michael McDonald (yes I know it’s old, but it’s a great song)

Changed the way you kiss me – Example

Closer – Nine Inch Nails

Whole lotta Rosie – AC/DC

Another way out – Hollywood Undead

Wretches and Kings – Linkin Park

oh oh and O Fortuna – Carl Orff, which makes it 11 but who’s counting 😉